38 Days without Xin Yun

 

 What's Love!?

     This love is fruitless, do you understand ? Next to you I only see winter, and feel cold that your hand could not warm up. So I must leave you and go far away. Search for place where flower bloom in Sprinter , where birds sing under the Summer sun. A place to forget the hard time of the past.

     Loving you gain me nothing, Loving you grants me no wishes.So why don't you just forget me ? Why do you keep holding on? Has my love been enough for you? We'll take half of each with us. Our round splits here. A love worthy of poem now buried in the past.

     When I leave who are you going to blame? Blame us for not having a future together Cause I lay my heart upon the wrong heart. Or just blame me for being a hear-breaker, I made you lay your love upon the wrong person. Confined within those four wall of yours, All you can do is hope for a day where I'll return and that day won't come. If it does , I just be breaking your heart again.

34 Day without Xin Yun

A lousy girl has a boyfriend, she always wanted to improve herself to be useful for him.
A lousy boy has a girlfriend, He always wanted to improve himself to be at least better than her.

The different is ... the purpose.

Girl wishes the boy to be proud of her , love her more , she wish to be the best girl for him
Boy wants to revenge, Keep man face, doesn't want to lose her any side.

Why do I have this problem? Yes I know why . Because I don't love myself yet. I don't know how to please myself by the time without her . Why do I turn Emo ? Because I keep blaming her fault not being with me all the time. I understand. 

In school , I am like a star . Everyone , teachers and friends all love and respect me. I am one of top student , study well , moral attitude and active. But on Saturday and Sunday are only the time I am being emo at home due to lonely. I ask from her too much . I am sorry .

Now then , I will change , I will make myself busy and enjoy , I shall love myself as I love you last time. 

Thank you Xin Yun .

32 days without Xin Yun

     I miss you very much , Xin Yun. These days I was so busy with party and doing homework, thus I lack of sleep. Therefor I could not write blog these days .
     Todays 7th July, there is nothing much special event. I complete my homework early so that I could blog now. These days I did not sleep enough. I felt very sick and every morning I kept planing of skipping school to go back my sleep. Although I was so busy but there is not a second I did not think about you my dear.
     These days I have learn some new vocab that is quite useful in daily conversation and writing. I plan of one day to revise and learn by heart them. Wow , this is my 1st time since very long time I have not get the feeling of interest studying. I wonder I could last this for how long or maybe next week will be over. I have promised you that I will study well , do my ever best for the exam , I will . I will let you proud of me , even though we are now not together , I believe one day , when you read this , you would understand how deeply I love you. Love you only Xin Yun
     I am planning of buying Iphone so that we could use the same phone as couple phone. Really this is 60% out of my reason. Others is for my personal application need. Others words mean play game.
    I should sleep early tonight. Goodnight my love Xinyun . Wish I could dream of you later baby .
     I Love You

27 Days without Xin Yun

     Yesterday , 2nd July , I went prawning with my friends. It was great fun and enjoyable time with them. It's very costly, $15 per hour and we , hiring 4 rod, only caught 3 prawn at the end. Its not worth anyway but we have great time laughable when Jhonson missed the prawn twice and Euwent's bait was stolen triple. Although I only stood , walking around observe they prawning , I was glad enough as we all were have fun. I planed myself one day I could bring you here and try , Xin Yun ^.<
     When I was walking home, I felt very downhearted . I felt like a fun , party had been over. I missed my friends. I felt so lonely walking home. Just a moment before , we spent time having dinner but then I was walking home alone. I hate this feeling.
     When I reached home , tiredly , I went straight to bed and sleep. Of course I changed to my sleeping clothes but I did not bath. I had nightmare again. 
      I woke up late the next morning and miss the class. My friend was disappointed me as I promised him to attend the class. The whole day at home without Xin Yun is terrible . I was facing computer like a stone. I did not have mood to play any game. I tried to do homework but I could not think at all . It's like killing the time . I went back to my bed but I could sleep at all. I need someone who could entertain me . Without you , life is like an broken pencil , lifeless as pointless.
      Xin Yun

25 day without Xin Yun

     Today is Friday 1st July. We could have 1year 6months Anniversary since we started in relationship on the 1st January 2010. I was alone at home and got terrible nightmare that I could remember for now.
     Today is Friday , School was ended early. I went home and took a short nap. I dreamed that my family having a party at my grandma's hometown. We had a big party cause almost everyone there knew my grandma well and this had been years we had not visited the village. We had a great fun during camp fire party at the parade square of the village.
     Somehow there was a quarrel between my grandma and another elegant woman about comparing me and her son's result. That woman seem very arrogant that she wanted to proved her son study better than I do. She challenge me have Math competition with her son.
     All my family member supported and hoped I could beat that unknown boy. "Lets see what you got!" I confidence accepted the challenge.
     However , as the 1st bell started , I opened the cover page and read the question, I could not read any single word . I try to focus on ready , I could not understand and know how to answer the question. I did not know what had happened to me. While I was panic ... Ring !
     "Time up"
     That is impossible , I thought . I could believe on myself that I could not write a word . As the result , I lose to that boy . I could felt how shameful to me . That feeling hurt me too deeply that I just wanted to die. I did not dare to see anyone , I ran away as fast as I could.
     Its start to rain , I wish that if the lighting could strike and end my life. At the moment , she cover me with a pink umbrella. Xin Yun , she was there , I was shock . She embrace me tight and what happened next I have forgot.
     I wake up but the time my bro come back home , opened the door loudly. I was sweat a lot. I took 10 mins to calm down on the bed and went to wash my face.
    I could remember clearly the happy feeling when you hugging me , Xin Yun . I wish you were here when I had a nightmare . I miss you !

24 day without Xin Yun

     Today I don't feel like doing anything
     I just wanna lay in my bed
     Don't feel like picking up my phone
     So leave a message at the tone
     Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything

     Today I miss her so much , I took a look at her facebook , Wow! I found this song is great ^.^ It was similar to my feeling by the time I was listening. Lazy!!! the laziness takes over missing her . Despite lazy, I still tried my best completing homework.
     This weekend would be horrible . Our teachers gave up mountain of Practice exercise. "Practice makes perfect" its true but Its not easy to do ok ! Especially English homework , she gave up amazingly so much, however, "You don't have to do everything but I would like to see you do as much as you could," she spoke nicely. That help a lot . At least I will not have that stressful doing those worksheet.
     Today was a great day for me, This is the 1st time I could understand and confidently do SS exercise . Wow, I was willing to stay back after school for SS remedial thus extra lesson at 4pm . I wonder why I was willing to study such this subject. The reason is I scored full mark for a question by myself . I understood and knew what is the steps to do. Moreover, when I have consultation one to one with her, she guild me step by step. That help very well . Thank you , Madam Rozaina
     Last but not least . You will see. I have not given up yet . I will do my best on studying , Even though you are studying higher level than me, I won't let your family look down own me. Even though next time we could be as husband and wide , as least you have a wonderful friend like me . I will always be there to help you and your family members ^.<
    Love you very much Tan Xin Yun !

23 Days withouy Xin Yun

     29th Jun 2011. This morning was very weird weather. Around the time 1130am , It was very hot sun outside but rain . We could feel the hot of water vapor. All the girls keep complaining noisily. What a girlish
     Our class 5N1 majority really do not like Mr Tham who is our Physic teacher. "He has a irritating voice by using micro" , Dona said. It's true enough even I do feel it too. As the result , our class seem cannot corporate with him. He kept nagging, scolding and talking nonsense. We prefer Mr Cheng who have touch us for 2 years . His teaching style is much much impressive than others teacher different subject. Last year result , Physic is one of the top scored for our single student. We did very well for physic paper , comparing the latest Phy MYE paper , it is totally difference and opposite. Sadly , Physic teacher could not be replace. I wonder what would lead us to success.
     Today is Wednesday. Yeah ! It's extremely great that we , graduating class, do not need to go for CCA after school. I could go home early and spend more time to rest , do homework of course. However , today I quarrel with my friend Lylen . Assembly was too lame that I slept half way. When I woke up , the show was over and every one were about to leave the hall . I took my bag and tried to stand up tiredly , I saw our class diary. I took it up and searched for Citi or Keny . However , I cannot find City and Keny was having meeting with the teacher. At that moment , I found Lylen who is our class Vice Chairman. I pass it to her but she acted cute and did take it from me . I repeat twice asking her to take but she did not. In frustrated and annoyed by her action , I release the diary drop on the floor and walk away , did not border about the book. After that , she msg me "you are so rude!" I knew its rude doing that to a girl but I was in bad mood every time I just woke up. My apologize to you dear friend.
     I reached home around 3pm, but my friend Euwen asked me favor helping Math question . I met him and spent time teaching him until 6pm . tiredly , I took a short nap by the time I come back home . Sadly I woke up at ... 1130 pm . Its terrible and have to to spend time at late night to do homework and writing diary.
     In the late night , in the dark room . I am sitting writing diary. I am always miss you Xin Yun . I wish you were with me , I miss your hug . I feel very tired and sleepy . I wish I could see your cute , sexy and beautiful happy smile :)
    I love you Xin Yun